The Dildos Characters
Mr. Dildo
Mrs. Dildo
Junior Dildo
Cindy and Mindy Dildo
Quake The Family Pet
Bobby Buttplug the next door neighbor
Sally the Glass Neighbor
Father Foreplay Dildos' family advisor
Fleshlight Narrator

Mr. Dildo

A slightly larger than average Dildo, is a cross between Jim Anderson (from Father Knows Best) and Homer Simpson.  He is goofy but lovable, intelligent but unequipped to deal with all that his complicated family throws at him.  He is 45 years old, works at a Gynecologists office, has a comb over and is often portrayed wearing a tie.

Mrs. Dildo

She's lighter and smaller than Mr. Dildo.  She is also 45.  She is stuck somewhere between a 1950's housewife and a modern day mom.  She starts out as a full time, stay at home mom, but eventually takes a job as a substitute teacher to make ends meet.  She is often seen cooking.  She has blond well coiffed hair and is the only character that has arms.

Junior Dildo

Being your typical rebellious teenager at age 17, he is always pushing the boundaries.  He is still searching for and defining his identity and thus changes his hairstyle and manner of dress often.  He is about the same height as Mrs. Dildo but skinnier. 

The Twins

Cindy and Mindy - are the opposite ends of a double dong permanently in a U shape.  They are mostly seen in their Catholic school girl outfits.  The twins are 13 but intelligent and knowledgeable beyond their years.  The twins are truly snarky and provide a lot of humor with their off beat, off hand, non PC comments.


The Dildos' beloved pet is a the vibrating egg.


The son of the next-door neighbors is a buttplug.  He is odd and quirky 11-year old. The kid no one really likes, but everyone tolerates.


The next door neighbor and adoptive parent of Bobby is a short, thick dildo with short spiky hair and a leather jacket.  There is much confusion over her gender at first.  She is the “Pat” of the dildo world.  Eventually it is revealed that she is a dyke. She is 37, rough around the edges with a heart of gold and very protective of her wife, Sally. 


She is the Dildo equivalent of a Blond bombshell and is permanently of the age 29. A beautiful, curvy, slender glass dildo has long blond hair and big eyelashes.   She is married to Butch and Bobby's maternal parent.

Father Foreplay

This formidable but gentle character is the DIldos "goto" guy for resolving tricky parenting issues.  He is large and dark and wears flowing autentaious robes.  The twins are in awe of him.

The Narrator

A Fleshlight, rather than a dildo, pops in at the end of each scene to announce the teaser for the next episode.